Brock the Barbarian
by CPMiller
Summary: The Ventures, Brock, and an attractive but smart mouthed young journalist are sucked into a time warp and after a little trouble end up on a ship captained by Conan the Barbarian. Rated for safetie's sake. Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

I own nothing but the clothes on my back and the books in my room. Please don't sue me, I'm already broke.

Brock the Barbarian

"Hey Doc! Somebody here to see you. Says you promised her an interview." Brock's deep voice startled Dr. Venture as he leaned over a small machine about the size and shape of a computer monitor. A dozen buttons covered the bottom quarter inch. Above that circuitry could be seen where the son of Jonas Venture had pried off the casing.

"What?" He stared unhappily at the tiny screwdriver he had just dropped into the open machine. "Already?"

From behind Brock a coldly polite female voice answered. "Yes, Dr. Venture. You did say six o'clock would be fine when I spoke with you before. Is there a problem?"

"Problem? No, not at all. I was just…caught up in my latest invention. Well, actually it's my father's, but he could never get it working so I, being the genius I am…"

"What is it?" She interrupted the speech before it could become a true boastful rant. Brock looked slightly relieved that Dr. Venture had been interrupted.

"Err, why, it's uh…a uhm…well you know. One of those uh,"

"You don't know what it is, do you Dr. Venture?" The look on her face could only be described as sharply intelligent.

"Well…I've only just begun the preliminary analysis. My father neglected to leave any notes pertaining to this particular mechanism." Dr. Venture smiled proudly impressing himself with the quick recovery.

"Indeed." Before anyone could stop her the tall young woman swiped a thick notebook off the table beside the machine Dr. Venture was working on. "Could these be the late Dr. Venture's notes."

Dr. Venture blushed with frustration and embarrassment as he reached out for the notes. They were not relinquished to him. Instead the pale young woman flipped open the first page and began reading aloud turning her back to the offended looking Dr. Venture.

"Time Machine. After much research I believe I have discovered the means to travel through time. The following pages contain a breakdown of the schematics and theories behind my device." She began flipping slowly. "This is incredible. These theories are revolutionary. Even the power pack is unlike anything known today. Mr. Venture, why haven't these notes been released to the scientific community at large. This energy source alone could double the time remaining before the global economy runs into serious power shortages." She glared at the balding man mercilessly.

"It's Dr. Venture. And I only just found this particular notebook." He snatched the document from her hands. "I was planning to release it as soon as I had time." She continued to glare at him. If looks could kill, Brock thought, Dr. V. would be screaming in agony right now. "Miss. Dunham are you here to interview me, or my father's notes?"

"Are you giving me a choice between the two?" Brock stifled a chuckle as Dr. Venture turned an even darker shade of pink.

"No, I'm not giving you a choice between me and my has-been father's notes. You can either interview me or get out of my house."

"I'll take my interview then." Just as the trio were about to depart from the lab Dean and Hank came running through yelling at each other in a game of cops-and-robbers. Hank stumbled and Dean caught off guard by his brother's sudden decrease in speed crashed into him. Both of them crashing into Dr. Venture and the open machine behind him.

A bright flash like lightening filled the room engulfing Dr. Venture, Hank, Dean, Brock, and the young reporter. It was all over in an instant. The once proud laboratory vanished and was replaced by a thick forest. Firstly, each person noticed the angry brutish looking men surrounding them in said thick forest. Secondly, each noticed the lack of any clothing remaining. No shirts, shoes, socks or—to Brock's great dismay—weapons had arrived with them.

"Get them! Leave the girl unharmed!" Apparently the leader had spoken because each man rushed forward. Dean, Hank, and Dr. Venture were quickly restrained by one brute to each Venture. Brock was attacked by three and another went after Miss Dunham. Surprisingly the slender woman let loose with a quick kick to her antagonist's gut that brought him crashing to the dirt at her feet. For a long moment everyone simply stared until the tableau was broken by Brock crashing two heads together.

He then proceeded to throw the third man over the three holding the Venture family. The leader who had stood back during the initial charge turned and ran. Dr. Venture smiled smugly up at the man holding him who promptly let go and followed his leader and two fellow brutes in a cowardly retreat.

Miss. Dunham was hastily digging through a large trunk that had previously been obscured by the now fled or unconscious assailants. From within it she donned a pale lavender robe with heavy gold pins at either shoulder. Long slits in the fabric left her slim legs still visible when she moved. Brock's desire was obvious to all. Without turning to look she tossed three more robes of more masculine cut to the Ventures. Dean struggled into one of dark green while Hank pulled on a dark blue robe. Dr. Venture was left with a pale rosy red garment which he glowered at.

Brock walked up to another trunk, busted the lock, and pulled out a shirt of studded leather armor with matching skirt. The gloves, greaves, and helmet were too small for his large figure, but the rest looked like it might fit. Miss. Dunham approached Brock with what appeared to be a large white cotton sheet and a few more pins she had found.

"Here, you'll want to wear something under that armor." Blushing she hurriedly pinned the sheet around Brock's massive chest to form a makeshift shirt. She then helped him to buckle the armor on. After the skirt and sword belt were finally adjusted Hank came over to offer Brock a long dagger and matching sword. He took them checking the balance on both before putting them onto his belt.

"Alright Doc, what's the deal? Where are we and how do we get back?" Brock faced the pink clad Dr. Venture.

"Uh, well for starters we should try and find that machine."

"Don't bother, we won't find it." Miss. Dunham was pulling matching cloaks out of the trunk that had held the robes.

Dr. Venture took the pale red cloak handed to him reluctantly. "And just what makes you so sure of that, hmm? I'm the scientific genius around here." She rounded on him angrily.

"First of all, you dropped out of college before getting a degree, let alone a Doctorate. Second, if our clothes didn't come with us to wherever or whenever we are why would the time machine. Obviously the device was imperfect and is only capable of transporting living tissue. We have to find out when we are and where we are before we can even begin to try and find a way home." Dr. Venture stood speechless for a change, but he quickly recovered.

"Well…I would've thought of that…eventually." He muttered the last word under his breath and turned away.

"The sun's getting low. We should find a place to bed down for the night or some kind of transportation perhaps…" As though in answer to her voiced suggestions a horse whinnied in the not too far distance. "I vote horses." Brock put a hand on her shoulder to stop her progress.

"Wait here, I'll go see about the horses." She gave him a side long glance, but didn't argue.

While they waited Dr. Venture approached the young reporter. "Exactly how many Doctorates do you have anyway? Hmm?"

She scowled down at him. "I started college when I was six. I currently have a Doctorate in Journalism, a Masters in Chemistry, and minors in Creative writing and Mythological Studies. But that's not all. I'm a black belt in Tai Kwon Do and a disciplined student of Ninjutsu."

"Oh all that? Why don't you go into work as a secret service agent if you're so good?" His voice was unbelievably aggravating.

"Two reasons. One, I'd have to protect worthless crap like you. And two, I don't believe in killing which is also why you happen to still be breathing, _Mr._ _Venture_." Dean and Hank meanwhile were busy poking the unconscious men with sticks.

Before Dr. Venture could say anything else Brock appeared from the forest leading horses that were already saddled and carrying light provisions. The big bodyguard had just opened his mouth to say something when a thunderous male voice echoed around them. "_Who are you_?"

Trembling Dr. Venture answered for everyone. "Dr. Thaddeus S. Venture, my boys Dean and Hank, my bodyguard Brock Samson, and Miss Elizabeth Dunham. W-who are you?"

"_Fools_!_ You trespass on _my_ land, harass _my _servants, and you do not even know my name_? _Insolence_! _I am the great and powerful wizard Zoz_! _You will pay for the indignities you have wrought upon my men_."

"Why don't you come out and fight like a man!" Brock's voice echoed away into nothing. A rustle in the underbrush drew their attention.

A tall wizened old man stepped forward. One hand was curled into a fist as though it held something. It did. He threw a fistful of purple dust at the group. Brock already had his new short sword out when it began to settle on them. The wizard spoke a few soft words and the entire group found themselves thrown to the ground. Blackness gathered around them like a thick cloud, then vanished. It was all over in a few heartbeats.

A salty wetness filled the air much like an ocean breeze. Beneath them a wooden floor rocked back and forth. Around them men were yelling to each other forming a circle around the group with weapons out in a most unfriendly manner. Slowly Elizabeth and Brock realized they were on a ship. The Ventures were mostly concerned with their sudden onset of sea sickness.

Not a word the men spoke made any sense. Finally a mountain of a man stepped forward. "Who are you? How come you to my ship?" He was easily as big as Brock, but with more muscular legs supporting him. Raven black hair fell straight to his shoulders in a square cut mane. His steel blue eyes flickered from one person to the next, lingered on Elizabeth in obvious appreciation, and finally settled to meet Brock's gaze. The large bodyguard gave quick introductions and the short version of what had happened. Lab accident, thugs, wizard, dust, present. "I see."

"Don't trust them Captain! They could all be magic users!" A loud cry of assent swept the rest of the crew. "We should throw them overboard and be done with them!" More agreement.

Slowly Elizabeth approached the captain. As she walked the fabric of her dress swayed alternately displaying either pale slim leg. When she stood before the large man she kept her eyes downcast to show respect. "Mighty men of the sea. We are naught more than travelers caught by a filthy wizard and sent to your most awe inspiring ship." The crew quieted swelling with pride, but the captain did not seem convinced. Elizabeth shifted prominently displaying one leg and lifted her gaze to meet his. "We humbly ask only food and passage."

"And what might you pay us with? You don't seem to have any money unless you intend to conjure some." The crew chuckled but a few looked greedily at the group.

"I fear we have no money, but we can surely work for our passage. None of us are sailors such as your men, but there are always tasks to be done on such a grand ship…"

"Enough of your flattery woman." Elizabeth struggled not to let her anger show. "You have a point that the men can work, even those two boys can scrub the deck. But what will you do for your own passage." Suddenly the crew was quiet all eyes turned lustfully towards her. Elizabeth was suddenly acutely aware that she was the only woman on the ship.

"Well, I could sing or tell legends to pass the time. Surely your men grow bored." She smiled weakly.

The captain returned her weak smile with a broad grin. "Aye, bored but also lonely." A strong flush colored her cheeks.

"I wouldn't know-" The rest of her words were cut off as the Captain hoisted over a broad shoulder.

"Put those dogs to work!" The second in command approached the others left behind and set about giving them the filthiest hardest chores on the ship.

**A/N:** Hope you like everything so far, but I have no further ideas for this story yet. I'm open to any and all suggestions. E-mail me or put it in a review.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

A/N: This isn't my best, but someone very special to me requested I write a second chapter, so here it is.

LordFrieza: Hey that's a good idea with Dean-o. As for "Isingard"…I know Conan became king of Aquilonia. Tell me more of this "Isingard" and maybe I'll remember it. Do you mean perhaps Asgard just north of Cimmeria? 'Cause I don't remember an Isingard at all and I've read books, comics, and seen the movies. Hmmm…a mystery.

Jessy: I LOVE YOU BABY DOLL! Eh,…Jessy is my fiancé for all who don't know.

Conan carried the stunned Elizabeth all the way to his cabin and shut the door tight behind them. He then tossed her onto his bed and began removing his weapons, a grin plastered on his face.

"I haven't been in port for quite awhile…" Elizabeth had withdrawn to a far corner of the bed and pulled her knees up to her chin. Conan laughed at wide eyed stare as he kicked off his boots. "You needn't worry girl. I can be as gentle as you like, or if prefer to be handled a tad more roughly..." He flexed impressive muscles.

Elizabeth gave herself a mental slap and reminded herself she was more than capable of self-defense. "I prefer not to be handled at all." Her voice wasn't as sure as she'd meant for it to sound, but she faced the captain.

Conan paused leaving his furry loin cloth in place. "Would you prefer to swim to shore woman?" He moved closer until he was standing right next to the edge of the hard bed. His rough hand reached out, fingers caressing her cheek. "Well…"

"No, I wouldn't prefer to swim to shore. Are you giving me only the two options? Captain." She shifted positions so her legs were beneath her in a kind of kneel.

Conan gave a small chuckle. "If I were any other pirate, indeed nearly any other man. Those would be your only choices, but I am Conan and it is not my way to take a woman by force. Nor would I throw such a lovely creature to the mercies of the sea. You may stay in my cabin. By Crom, you can even have the bed! Its too soft for my taste anyways." Elizabeth gave him a bluntly disbelieving look and he let loose a short bark like laugh. "Don't believe me? Your welcome to sleep below decks with my men if you prefer their company…" Elizabeth shook her head rapidly at the suggestion. "Ha! I didn't think so. Stay here then . . . when we come to shore I'll-"

A loud cry cut the pirate's words short. "**I said scrub you dog and by Erlik you'll scrub! ARGGHHHH!!**" Immediately Conan was at the door and out of it. Elizabeth followed as far as the open doorway.

On the deck Brock stood looking psychotic with the limp body of a man at his feet. Much of the crew was circling him weapons drawn, but none dared move closer. Dr. Venture was looking smug, Dean was a pale shade of green, and Hank was cheering idiotically. "Yeah, Brocko! You show him! Wooo!"

Conan pushed his way through the crowd and stopped just beyond the edge of men. "What the devil?!" His gaze went from Brock to the downed crewman and back again. "Explain yourself, Dog!" Brock was slowly coming out of his killer trance.

"My job is to protect them." The blond murderer gestured to the three Ventures. "This piece of garbage was going after Doc." He straightened up blue eyes glancing to Elizabeth who had taken two steps beyond the door to the captain's cabin.

One of the crew stepped forward, staying closer to Conan than he was to Brock and careful not to get between the large men. "Sir, Junter was jus' givin' 'em their chores. The spineless coward said he'd die before he'd do any real work, and well…Junter was about to oblige him when, that crazed monster grabbed him like he were nothing at all." He stepped back amongst the others.

"I see." Conan started forward and the circle widened by two steps forming a ring around the two men.

Dr. Venture made a dismissive noise. "Does he _really_ think he stands a chance against Brock? _Please_." Several crewmen shot him nasty glances, but with a glance to their dead comrade, made no move for the smaller man.

However, one did make a comment loud enough for the balding doctor to hear. "You're a fool if you think that body guard of yours can take Captain Conan." Others nodded and a few mentioned incredible feats they'd either seen or heard of Conan performing.

"Oh really? Care to make a wager?" They all laughed at him, before focusing their attention back on the two massive men. Conan and Brock were circling each other.

"You've killed one of my crew stranger. Hardly impressive though." Without further words or warning Conan launched himself at Brock, tackling the large man and nearly bringing him down. But Brock managed to brace himself and only bent one knee slightly from the impact. Both men grimaced and began wrestling against the other. Corded muscles bunched and pushed. Veins showed clearly from the necks and arms of both combatants. Hearts beat as the two struggled titanically, but neither made any progress. Their faces began to flush with the effort, Brock's turning a bright shade of red, and Conan's a slightly darker shade due to his bronzed hide.

"_Im-press-ive_…" Conan growled the word out between gritted teeth. Brock merely bared his own teeth and redoubled his efforts. Dr. Venture looked on mouth agape along with nearly all the crew, and even Hank had gone silent. As she looked on at the two men in their mountainous struggle, Elizabeth swallowed her pride and decided she'd never stand a chance against either one. Each time it seemed like one man might be gaining the upper hand, the other ground his teeth and pushed back even harder. On and on it went, and the sun began to move past it's noon time position.

Conan and Brock were both breathing hard and only the steersman remained half attentive to his post. All other eyes remained locked on the two men. Finally, as the sun began to move noticeably west, Brock shifted his weight in an attempt to throw Conan. But the barbarian, upon feeling the shift, locked his grip on Brock's hands and pulled the blond after so they both fell to the deck still struggling. Conan pulled one hand loose and caught Brock in the face with a powerful punch. The gesture was returned and the two continued to struggle, now exchanging blows to the head, chest, abdomen, and arms.

Finally, their great muscles began to weaken and the fatigue showed. Both men were red faced and dripping sweat. One final swing that both missed brought the two men crashing to the hard wood. Neither fighter moved and none moved to help them up. After long minutes each climbed slowly to his feet with a broad grin.

"Water." Conan croaked the word out and two men scrambled off. After a long drink he offered the skin that had been brought up to Brock and spoke while the other man finished it off. "I could use a man of your strength in my crew. There's plenty of gold to be had, and my men will attest to that." Several of the crew nodded and a few others fingered gold jewelry, most of it piercings.

Brock shook his head. "I've already got a job." He gestured towards the Venture family again. "If you can get us to land, we'll make our own way home."

"Steers man! Take us home!" They had only half a load of loot, but no one dared question the order and the ship began to turn. "We'll land in Tortaga in a fort night. 'Till then you and your companions may take cots below deck." Conan followed Brock's gaze to Elizabeth who was making her way towards them. "Is she your woman?" His voice was low enough only Brock caught the words.

"No." He watched the feminine figure until she was close enough to grab and then he did so, wrapping his arms around her smaller body and pressing his lips to her mouth. For a moment Elizabeth was too stunned to react then Brock ended the kiss. She squirmed free of his arms and slapped him across the face. Men laughed as they started back to their work. Brock rubbed his cheek grinning.

"Men!" Elizabeth huffed and turned away striding quickly back to the Conan's quarters and slamming the door shut. For a moment he and Brock remained silent, then they too burst into laughter.

A/N: Weirdest of things, while I was finishing this chapter up, the song "Everybody's Free" started playing on the music channel I was listening to. I take it to be a good sign of getting many reviews! I hope…

Anyways, next chapter, one of the crew goes after Elizabeth and guess who comes to her rescue. It's not Brock and it's not Conan.


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